Monday, June 30, 2008

Blame Canada [America's Hat]

Hey hosers, everyone knows that this Friday is the 4th of July aka America's birthday but let's not forget that tomorrow is Canada's birthday as well.  I know I'm not technically Canadian but that never stops me from celebrating Canada Day in my own special way.  It's been a house hold tradition to celebrate Canada Day with some reruns of The Kids In the Hall in the morning, listening to some Wolf Parade in the afternoon, and watching Strange Brew in the evening.  I bet you thought I'd say I'd eat some Canadian bacon for breakfast, didn't you?  Well, that shit is awful, eh. So put down those freedom fries and raise a Molson Ice to our cousins to the north and thank them for all of the fine actors they've sent our way and the many fine bands as well.  Well, except for Barenaked Ladies...those guys suck.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Fleet Foxes are Soothing My Soul [More Animal Bands]

Fleet Foxes Mike already beat me to the punch with the inclusion of Fleet Foxes on his Muxtape post earlier today but since I don't care about anybody but myself I am going to ignore him and pretended like I didn't see that.

Love Is A Muxtape [illegal stuff we like]

As a teenager I use to think that I could convince any girl to like me by making her a killer mixtape.  I didn't get laid a lot in high school.  But I still enjoyed making mixtapes and as long as the person I gave them to told me they liked them it made the not getting laid part bearable.  Now I can make and share mixtapes with the whole world thanks to a little website called Muxtape.com .  The concept is simple: you can upload up to 12 mp3's and share them with everyone online.  The web site is very easy to use and it's fun to browse through random users muxtapes.  I'm not sure if this site is going to be around long as I'm sure there are slew of legal issues that will eventually shut it down.  But in the mean time I've created my own muxtape for you to enjoy.  It's a pretty eclectic mix, but we've discussed everyone from Panic At The Disco to Slayer on this website, can you honestly say you're surprised.  http://ajomike.muxtape.com

YAY!'BIA [glitter for your vagina]

I wonder if that applicator comes sold separately...

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Georgia Boy has Head Decapitated by Roller Coaster [survival of the fittest]

OMG a HEAD! This really really happened. I am not even joking, he wasn't even riding it for gods sake. He jumped over the "Don't cross THIS line or your head will get chopped off" line and since Six Flaggs has engineers that measure that shit out before hand, he in fact did have his head chopped off.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Sigur Rós has a new album

There are two possible reasons I'm writing this new post: Sigur Rós has just released a new album, or I've created this simply to force you to look at bare asses running across the highway for even a few minutes! It's hard to tell, but it appears to be three nude men, chasing a female through the grass.  Yet if i pull out my handy magnifying glass, I spy either a large hemorrhoid coming out of the second man's ass, or there's a fifth person in the group.  Damn, if I was part of that photo shoot, I'd be pissed if I was the guy who's way in front and my ass doesn't get seen by everyone.  Pardon my pun, but that would really chap my hide; seriously man.  He may as well not even be there! Well, I've certainly fallen victim to my own trap; that's right, I've spent the last 15 minutes analyzing these mens (and womens? asses), which have been cleverly disguised as an album cover.  I must set aside my feelings on the cover and focus on the actual music contained within. If you're a fan of Sigur Rós already then you know what to expect here.  Plenty of ethereal soundscapes, backed by driven guitars, ocassionally peppered with boys choirs and all in a language you probably don't understand.  Not even a little bit.  When I listen to Shakira or Enrique Iglesias at least I can pick up on the "hola's", the "como estas" and the "yo quero taco bells".  When it comes to Icelandic music, I've always viewed it as other-worldly. Ryan doesn't like it, but I do.  The new Album, titled: Med Sud I Eyrum Vid Spilum Endalaust is spectacular.  It's getting familiar buzz in the music industry and the metacritic review is sitting at a handsome 81 (Universal Acclaim).  I'll let you follow that link if you want to read all the quotes, cause I can't do them justice with my words. In closing I'll leave you with this (NSFW) video for Gobbledigook.  The Icelandic really are a peaceful free people!  Click HERE for the High Quality quick-time version If you like what you see, you can stream the Björk/Sigur Rós Show, Live From Iceland happening June 28th.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Steven and Stephen: Fists

It's been a couple of posts since I've mentioned how boss Tim & Eric are, so it's time for me to remind you again. Atom.com just posted the first episode of Tim & Eric's new animated web show called Steven and Stephen. It's about conjoined twins who share a crotch and...here just watch it.

Jesus loves turkey too

I wonder if he likes his with gravy too?

Save the Date - [Morbid]

Life is crazy, why just the other day, one of the most beloved comediens of all time passed.  Certainly he led a rich life, and had many miles on his odometer, but he's gone just the same.  Now on the flip-side of that proverbial coin, I've seen a trend again lately, of new babies incoming and even to a lesser extent, friends getting hitched.  We certainly have an estimated time of arrival for our spawn, and we even go as far as to send out "Save the dates" for upcoming weddings.  Now, i'm proposing a new institution:  A Save the Death.  We all know it's coming, why not make some preparations while you still can have a say! I'm starting to take RSVP's for my own funeral.  You're thinking, "Shit, this is morbid", I know...but think about it.  Why not get a taste of who will actually care enough to attend your funeral?  You can pick out the colors, the food served at the wake, even hand pick some of the best pictures to show on the large slide show, with the perfect instrumental track in the background (or anything from nickelback) to really pull the tears out of the most hardened of guests!  It's BRILLIANT! Well, think about it folks, I'm currently teetering between an outdoor picnic, with full red and white checkered tableclothes, and fried chicken, or a circus-themed event with clowns and balloon animals for the kids!  (See death CAN be fun for those that survive it). In the meantime, I expect ALL of you will be there...the only excuse that will be valid will be if you are already dead (and in that case, I will have been at yours).  If you're not there, you can sure as shit expect me to haunt you in your sleep!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Send the Succubus Back to Hell [More Divorce]

He can\'t even look her in the eye In what fans of guy Ritchie (me) are calling a fabulous turn of events Madonna the washed up (on talent NOT money) soul sucking whore has hired a divorce lawyer. Unfortunately for Guy it's a really good lawyer, but not THAT good because it the one that Paul McCartney hired in his divorce from Heather Mills and she got half. So taking into account that Heather Mills was nothing before Paul and he only helped her situation and Guy Ritchie was one if not the best director in the world before that "fake British accent" having skeleton got her bony hands around him and squeezed all the "kick ass" out of him and since they both didn't have pre-nups things might work out even better for Ritchie. I can see the court room now... Ritchie's Lawyer: "Your honor, may I present to you this evidence. Before Madonna we have Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. After Madonna we have Swept Away and Kaballah. I rest my case. Judge: "I find in favor of Ritchie and award him everything and sentence Madonna to death. It's a great day for England and god bless the Queen, court adjourned!" Congrats Guy, call me when it's over and we will celebrate over a pint and couple of shots.

8 Things You Shouldn't Say In A Job Interview?

CNN posted an article of the eight worst things you could say during a job interview.  I can't believe this is the best they could come up with.  While were on the subject, why is it that whenever you have an interview and someone asks you a question that you struggle to come up with a good answer for the perfect answer comes to you as you're driving home?  EVERY FUCKING TIME!  Anyway, whoever came up with this list must have interviewed a bunch of pussies.  Check out my list of the eight things you should never say after the break.

Another episode from the fearsome duo, Snake'N'Bacon!

ssssssss

Daredevil vs. Elektra...oh my [freakish hands]

Jennifer Garner Professional thong wearer/giant handed actress Jennifer Garner and part time asteroid miner Ben Affleck are reportedly getting a divorce. This is something I don't care about other than it gives me a reason to say that it's probably because Ben thought his dick in her hand (if even still visible) looked even smaller than normal. I am basing this on absolutely no knowledge whatsoever but it sounds funny. Also if the "If your hand is bigger than your face you have cancer" trick were actually true she would have more cancer than my "20 years in the future" liver.

Smack it Up, Flip it, Rub it Down [table fucking]

Arthur Price: Alleged Table Fucker

40 year old Ohio native Aurthur Price (who is over Eighty tall) was arrested and charged with indecency after allegedly fucking his own personal lawn furniture in his own personal yard. His nosy unnamed neighbor claims to have seen him flip over the furniture before hand (everybody knows lawn chairs like doggy style) on four separate occasions. The man is married so I am putting the blame squarely on his wife for obviously not being more attractive than nicely assembled metal tubing. Why are the Brits the only ones that report on this kind of shit?

Read

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Rail Spin

Yeah, that's pretty cool alright but tell me you weren't secretly wishing that ended badly. Sure you weren't. I'm taking bets on how long before some kid sees this on youtube and tries to mimic this chick only to have it end in tragedy.

Enough of the "memoir-writer" bashing!

best fuckin book YOU\'ll read this season I recently shared a favorite author of mine, with fellow Fungdark'r, Shawn, who aptly ran out and bought up Naked, Me Talk Pretty One Day, and Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim.  Anticipating the arrival of When You Are Engulfed in Flames on book shelves everywhere, I excitedly shared my enthusiasm for David Sedaris. Much hullabaloo has been made since the James Frey controversy, where it was discovered he basically lied like a little bitch in his "memoir," A Million Little Pieces.  Pisses me off because it gives other satirists and humorists alike a bad name.  This asshole deserves the bad press, but not Sedaris.

WAYW - Week of June 23rd - June 27th [Hardly Working]

Lazy Days at Last Why aren't you working? This is the start of a new ongoing post which asks YOU the reader to tell us what's keeping you from doing your job at work.  Is it reading Fungdark's incredibly smart, relevant and witty posts?  Are you playing too many flash-based games to let the time slip by?  Are you already planning your weekend excitement?  Leave us a comment and tell us all about your hard work!

Rock Me, Sexy Jesus

Any musical based around a sexy jesus and satan french-kissing the President, is alright with me! This post was written a few months back, but somehow never got published.  So without further adieu, go see this movie!

Monday, June 23, 2008

POS Or Not

The deal with this game is that they give you a picture of someone and some random factoids about that person and you have to guess whether or not they have HIV. The game is surprisingly harder than it sounds. Which I guess goes to show that you can never really tell who has what these days so it's best to just wear a rubber every time. Double bag it if she or he looks particularly skanky or if you live in New York. I'm married so none of this really applies to me, thank God. Being tested for STD's is the fucking worst. Having blood drawn is bad enough but they take q-tips and shove them in your pee hole! Casual sex is not worth q-tips in your dick hole, people. Play safe and play smart.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Don't come 'round knockin' on my door!

From the mind of John Safran. Amen!

Big Richardson's White T-Shirt Shop

This video hits a little too close to home for me, but it's still funny and I'm gonna post it. I wish I would have had that Garfield 'I hate Mondays but I love lasagna' t-shirt last Saturday at the pool party I didn't go swimming at. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go cry myself to sleep while eating some Ben & Jerry's.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

rsshugger.com [fungdark gotta eat]

Have you heard the new today oh boy? rssHuger.com is the best RSS hugging site available on the internet today. Please go there and check out new blogs and/or register YOUR blog!

Friday, June 20, 2008

New Girl Talk - Pay What You Want (but pay something you cheap bastards!)

Feed the Animals The new Girl Talk album came out yesterday and I bought it and listened to it on my hour long trip to the Death Cab for Cutie show. And I can report that BOTH kicked ass. If you have not already heard of Girl Talk (just one guy and a computer) he takes songs and mashes them up with other song in a way I can only describe (and I have) as genius and others describe as the best party music EVER! (I think the best party music ever is "Songs to Finger Bang To" by Fruit Basket but I digress) Check out the video after the break and you can get the album for whatever you want to pay for it HERE (thanks Radiohead!).

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Black Lips - O Katrina!

I caught this video from Blacks Lips for their song "O Katrina!" the other night on Subterranean(the last show on MTV worth watching). Besides being a pretty kick ass song it has the three elements I look for in any music video - social commentary, bad facial hair and booty shaking.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Most Beautiful Goat

I don't mean to be a dick Saudi Arabia, but this is what you chose for the title of "most beautiful goat"?  I realize that the competition wasn't that strong but still.  If I saw this thing in person I would find the closest blunt object I could and put this mutant out of it's misery.  If I had to guess I would say somebody was doing some "favors" in exchange for votes if you know what I mean.  And I think you do.  You know.  Goat fucking.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Chastity Shmastity [virgins]

Jonas Brothers Look, let's get one thing straight: this will be the first and last time you ever read about the Jonas Brothers on this website...ever.  I don't know much about the Jonas Brothers.  I couldn't tell you which one is which or name one of their songs or even tell you if they're on Nickelodeon or Disney Channel.  One thing I do know, however, is that they are a bunch of fucking idiots.  I'm not ragging on them because they're just another boy band.  I'll be the first to admit that I've liked some shitty bands in my time, so if a bunch of tweeners from Anywhere, USA are into these dudes then more power to them. Here is my problem with these guys.  When I was their age(15, 18 and 20) all I wanted to do was drink beer and stick my dick in things.  Not much has changed between then and now.  So imagine my frustration when I read this article from The New York Times saying how they have taken a public vow of chastity.  What the fuck, guys?  Not even Hanson took a vow of chastity.

Monday, June 16, 2008

FIREFOX 3 DAY!!! [browsers]

Download Day I hope you are all ready for the latest update of the best browser in the whole wide world, that my boss loves to hate (if not, get fucking ready). I have been rocking the release clients as they have been released for a couple of weeks now and I can say from experience that it's a million times better, it makes your colors brighter and your whites whiter even! Please join me and the 1,429,711 (and counting)  that have pledged to download Firefox 3 tomorrow 6/16/08 in hopes of setting a Guinness World Record for the most downloads on a single thing in one day. I believe the current record holder is a collection of pictures featuring fellow Fundarker Mike passed out nude on a bed with his cock collection of family photos in hand.

Bon Iver [music]

Bon Iver I'm not one to re-post the same thing that has been put up on a million other sites, but any chance I get to talk about the awesomeness that is Bon Iver's debut album For Emma, Forever Ago I will gladly take. Unless John Lennon and George Harrison are somehow brought back to life and The Beatles make a new album For Emma, Forever Ago will be my hands down favorite album of the year. Hell, it may be my favorite album for several years to come. My love for Bon Iver being what it is you can imagine how excited I was when I found out that he was featured over at La Blogotheque, a website that features intimate acoustic performances from some of today's best indie rock bands. Sure, the website is written in French but I like to pretend they're writing about how awesome I am. Anygay, check out these amazing performances after the break.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Suck My Ass You Hookers! [music]

So I just read a cool post over on one of my favorite sites Gorilla Vs. Bear where they ask a bunch of cool members of even cooler bands and sketch comedy shows what their favorite album of the year is so far. I love lists and since I don't know any cool people from even cooler bands and sketch comedy shows I am going to give you my "top eleven" list with some delicious media to go with. Check Check it out after the break suckas!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Happy B-Day Natalie Portman

Happy 27th birthday Natalie Portman! I know things didn't exactly work out between you and I, what with me being married and the fact that we've never met but that won't stop me from wishing you a happy birthday. I guess your dating that dude, Devendra Banhart, whatever the fuck that's about. If you're happy, I guess. But I suspect you'll be crawling back to me any minute now.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

2 Girls 1 Cup Cake

2 Girls 1 Cup Cake When I was young I used to think a birthday cake with a small plastic Batman and the words 'happy birthday Michael' written in frosting was the coolest thing anyone could do with a cake. Now we can take a screen shot from 2girls1cup slap it on a cake and add a cup full of frosting to simulate poop. Oh the world we live in. PS: I've got a birthday coming up. Just saying.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Polite Dance Song

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the following video is going to win an award in every category at this years MTV VMA's. It's a bold prediction I know but once you see this video from The Bird and The Bee for their song Polite Dance Song you won't think I'm that crazy. What makes this video so great, you ask? Well for starters it's directed by Eric Werheim, it's an awesome song, and the lead singer is pretty hot. Interesting side note, I'm pretty sure I performed all of those same dance moves at my senior prom.