Thursday, May 28, 2009

How to Shave Your Junk


Shawn's video on how not to fuck up your goatee while shaving was good and all, but lets get real, what everyone out there really wants to know is how do you shave your junk. Fortunately for you the interwebs have provided you with a video on the proper way to shave your junk. Which, in all honesty is the only real way to make your junk look bigger. Sorry, dudes with small wieners who have been taking "natural male enhancements", but even the narrator of this video says so. My only problem with this video is that they did not focus more on the proper way to shave your taint. Oh well, life isn't perfect.

Goatee Saver | WTF


Apparently in the south, men who love whores have just discovered "the goatee", only explanation for this is they didn't have TV's in the south when the original 90210 was on. And as plausible as that is I don't in fact believe that to be true. The more likely explanation is inbreeding and the resulting syndrome called "Inability to tell what way you are shaving when looking at yourself in a mirror syndrome" or "ITTWWYASWLAYIAMS" for short. I am going to make one of these for women but instead of the "mouthpiece" part it will be a giant dildo...it will be for pubes you see...girls vagina hair!

Video: Footage if Christian Bale's Freakout on Terminator Set


I can't believe it took this long for this footage to leak! What is going on in the world that there are more important things to do than to get this video spread across the world like crabs on Tom Sizemore's crotch area?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Video: Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus trailer


The amazingness of the movie will go down in the annuls of history as the most redonkulous shit of all time. DEBBIE GIBSON IS BACK SUCKAS!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Between Two Ferns #5


Hey everybody everybody...hope you had a nice weekend. I also hope you took the time to remember people that have died for our freedom...but again our freedom has produced Carrot Tops face so I don't know how thankful we should actually be.

Friday, May 22, 2009

These Whores are the Worst


These two bitches are doing one of two things here, either faking this whole thing as a joke or funny video OR there really is a dead fucking flying squirrel that they illegally smuggled into the country that promptly died because flying squirrels hate obnoxious bitches and ALWAYS KILL THEMSELVES when they are around them for to long, then used this dead squirrel funeral as an excuse to show off how good they can harmonize on "Amazing Grace". Either way I hope they get in a car wreck tonight while sucking each other others dicks.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Apocalypse Pony



So cuddly and adorable, collect 'em all!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

No More Pee Splash


You know what sucks? Pee splash. Am I right, fellas? You know what I'm talking about. Well, now you can add these helpful Angel Knee Pillows to your bathroom to avoid that annoying pee splash back. It also makes it a lot easier to masturbate mess free. The man in the blue sweater demonstrates above. Well played, sir.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Sic Pic of the Day | COCKFACE!!!

Yeah. So there he is. Don't really know how this monstrosity was birthed or created, but MAN, I bet that's one hell of a story.

I Love Rorschach | I Don't Get It



So, first post...just testing the waters. Hope all enjoy.

[editors note: Please say hi to our newest staffer, Jim, from New York]

Friday, May 15, 2009

Dad Tells Son To Stop Being Such a Pussy...Played out by Cat


This is the goddamn best "played out by a cat" video we have seen so far. Such a patient cat.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Sic Pic of the Day | Dolphins on Grass

Now this could very well be photoshopped but if not I REALLY want someone to zoom out this pic so I can see how far away it from water...I like to think that there was a group of people eating fish sticks on the grass as Sea Worlds and this dolphin jumped out of the tank and crushed the family and ate all the fish sticks then died a happy dolphin... OR he was playing frisbee football with some of his buds and got WAY to high and passed out.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

God Dammit I Live in a Retarded City

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c
Arizona State Snubs Obama
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Economic CrisisPolitical Humor

My favorite thing is when the people I eat lunch next to at the Fat Burger next to the ASU campus might choke on their own food because they forgot how to swallow correctly...oh wait...nobody in the history of ASU ever forgot how to swallow correctly, they may on the other hand just stop breathing or something.

I Totally Got Punked on Facebook

So I started getting email from friends I don't talk to very often pleading with me to call them and to "Not do it" as you can imagine that was very confusing. I then found out my facebook had been hacked...DAMN YOU INTERNET!!!! But good one bro...good one.

This Shit has 5 Stars on Youtube

This video should give you a cold chill up your spine, just stop and think about the future of the world when this type of shit get's 5 stars and 2k plus views on the first day it's posted. We all know that retarded kids have been making stupid shit since real to real tape recorders came, out but up until now anybody that was forced to listen to their shit would just say "Yea, that sure is a bunch of shit kid, go get a haircut and stop fucking with my real to real, oh and mow the lawn!" But now they are all validated with 5 fucking stars. Jesus we are in for a shit future.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

10 Awesome People (That are Atheists)

If you don't want to be the dude in that pic then you are retarded

This post may make some of you god fearing folk out there hate me even more but guess what? That's what. Askmen.com just came out with a pretty cool list of 10 bad ass people through history that were atheist, and are/were awesome and bad ass. Its funny because I just had a conversation with some people at work about this not more than 4 hours ago and now they all hate me too. But like Lance Armstrong said “If there was a God, I’d still have both nuts.”

Here is the list:

No.10 - Salman Rushdie
No.9 - Germaine Greer
No.8 - Ricky Gervais
No.7 - John Malkovich
No.6 - Napoleon Bonaparte
No.5 - Lance Armstrong
No.4 - Barack Obama Sr.
No.3 - Warren Buffett
No.2 - Benjamin Franklin
No.1 - Euhemerus

Now check out the article for some fun facts about smart people.

Sic Pic of the Day | What Didn't Kelly Eat

I know this pic has made the rounds already but I couldn't find anything sic'r to post today so THERE YOU FUCKING GO INTERNET!!! In related news the Fungdark Media team has been desperatly searching for the best "Monte Cristo" in Phoenix, so we are obviously trying to get a hold of Kelly for her recommendation, but we are also afraid they will be all gone before we get there.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Awkward Family Photos | Great Internet Site

Oh man everybody...oh man is this site fucking great. It's everything you love to hate about your family all wrapped up in a neat little website. Way better than awkwardboners.com

AwkwardFamilyPhotos.Com

Friday, May 8, 2009

Is This a Prize or a Punishment?

Thanks but NO thanks Idolator. I would rather win a USB Flash drive filled with images of my parents being murdered than a pile of Mark Hoppus/Fall Out Boy shit. I heard that a couple bums found one of these drives under a park bench...they left it there because, and I quote "I would rather win a USB Flash drive filled with images of my parents being murdered than a pile of Mark Hoppus/Fall Out Boy shit, and that is coming from a couple bums mind you!"

Idolator (crap merchants)

My Little Pony Trailer "Giddy Up!"


I usually don't like things that are awesome (I am a very negative nancy) but I just couldn't stop the ever growing chubs this video gave/is giving me. Is it legal to have porn stars (assuming) and children in the same spoof My Little Pony trailer? If not I think we should get some legislation passed...pronto!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Sic Pic of the Day | That's Some Swine Flu

No Really, that IS some swine flu...it just looks gross. I wonder if they put that green filter on it to make it look more spooky than it really is? Oh and you should probably read THIS because 2 BILLION is a lot despite what Wall Street might lead you to believe.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Sic Pic of the Day | Vomit Girl

I have been thinking about retiring the sic pic of the day and after this I just might...I don't think I could legally post anything worse than this in the US without the FBI showing up at my house.

Slaughter Shack


I thought I told you to die...FUCK YOU!

If the video doesn't play for you click HERE to watch it from the retarded source.

Tarantino Movie Mash Up Song/Video

You know what totally sucks balls? Jobs, having to go to them, having to do things for them when you get there, having to shower. You know what doesn't suck? This video I just posted above the stuff I said about jobs sucking. It's long and it has potty language but what did you fucking expect from a fucking Tarantino mash up?

Monday, May 4, 2009

Swiss McDonald's is VERY Progressive

So in Switzerland they take their birth control very seriously and the Government has partnered up with heart attack conglomerate McDonald's in a new campaign to teach kids the importance of safe sex. They have begun to distribute used condoms in happy meals, right into the fry box so they will not be missed by any antsy youngsters. I say kudos to the Swiss & the Swiss McDonalds...Kudos!

via MSNBC

Sic Pic of the Day | Road Rash

I think I am most impressed with how well this guy's panther(?) tattoo help up. These are the times I wish we lived in Harry Potter's world and the panther(?) bailed off his shoulder right before he ate shit.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Worst Website of All Time


Bermuda-Triangle.Org is in fact the worst, most horribly designed website ever created in this century. It makes me want to stab out my eyes but I also can't stop looking at it. I have made it my new homepage, and I am never leaving home. Here is the description from Gian J. Quasar himself:

Bermuda-Triangle.Org is the web site of Gian J. Quasar. It originally began in 1999 as his massive database on the Bermuda Triangle until the publication of his book, Into the Bermuda Triangle. Now it is also the personal website of the author, not only containing the Bermuda Triangle database but keeping everyone updated on his several other books, events and projects. Gian’s work has been the basis of over a dozen major documentaries and has helped inspire a Congressional Resolution.

I suggest you get some sunglasses and pop a Dramamine before you go exploring Bermuda-Triangle.Org it's for your own well being. The most fucked up thing about this whole thing is, Gian appears to be an actual published author, with books available to purchase. You would think he could spend the time to set up a blogger page, believe me, it's REALLY not that hard.

Choco Latex + Swine Flu = End of Society

I don't want to disparage the boys from Choco Latex and their art but I do believe this is the most annoying thing I have ever heard/seen/heard. If I was smart and could figure out what country they were in and could speak whatever language that is I would fly there and have a stern conversation with their parents on the use of spanking.

Happy Birthday Marisa...see you in Hell

If you ever wondering what the exact opposite version of Marilyn Monroe's version of the birthday song is you can stop wondering now...you can also stop sleeping at night because your nightmares are going to be awesome. If you name is Marisa then I guess you are not reading this because you are certainly buried under that plant at the beginning of the video. Please do yourself a favor and watch more of this crazy bastards videos on his insane youtube channel

Sic Pic of the Day | Blister in the Sun

Since it's the first of May and the beginning of the "going outside with less clothes" on season in some parts of the world I am offering up this public service announcement. WEAR MOTHER FUCKING SUNSCREEN! Sunburns hurt almost as bad as when you get me drunk, take me out for rollerskating then never call me again.

Slap Chop Rap


So yesterday I was at the dentist getting your moms pubes removed from my teeth and didn't have time to update this site. But I think that this video more than makes up for it.