Friday, July 31, 2009

My Wife Wonders Why I Am So Sarcastic

The other day my wife was giving me shit for being such a sarcastic dick all the time. So I was wondering WHY I was such a sarcastic dick all the time. And today I was logging into my ING account at it said this:

"We gave our site a minor facelift. So if you notice anything different, don't freak out. You're in the right place. "

If a fucking bank can get away with being so flippant then the world is obviously changed into the kind of place where the more sarcastic you are the more money you are going to get...literally. In what other time in history would Jonah Hill have a full time job that didn't require working as an intern at shoe factory?

Sic Pic of the Day | WTF is Wrong With Ricky Java

There are so very many things wrong with this picture that you have to be sure to click on it to get rid of the pink. Why would only one of Dina's four boobs have milk coming out of it? Between the two of them they could feel ALL of John and Kate's the same time!

Thursday, July 30, 2009 If He Can Marry Your Sister

Chris is obviously a Renaissance man. He can water ski barefoot. He may or may not be in a rock band. And he is the foremost expert in all of Canada on real estate jargon. I suggest that Ivy League schools should start the bidding war now and get him on staff before Oxford, MIT or even Hollywood get their hands on him.

Sic Pic of the Day | I HEART Bacon

This is obviously photoshopped its retarded! But what you cant photoshop is the look in that girls eyes. She knows a delicious meal when she is holding a baby one in her arms.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Sic Pic of the Day | Your Brother is Back from College

If you saw this dude just a couple of years ago you would be even MORE impressed at how well he has filled out the skin that god gave him!

Monday, July 27, 2009

Sic Pic of the Day Returns

If anybody know what the shit is going on here please leave a comment. I am going to just focus on the hair for a moment. You can clearly see that her natural hair is pretty short and brown, then somewhere out of her shoulder/back a giant red braided ponytail appears for a few feet then ends at a white cone of some sort and growing out of the cone there appears to be a viking beard. Carry on good lady...carry on.

UPDATE!!! Apparently she is supposed to be this chick from Final Fantasy but it looks like the the chick from Final Fantasy after she had six kids (plus 4 abortions) and lives in a trailer.

I REALLY Need to Learn Spanish!

I only understood the last 2 words but I fear they were not the most important words.

How Far Can You Get From Illinois?

If you have an extra 15 minuets and a shit ton of self hate then you should definitely check out this mutha fuckin infomercial for the 2009 edition of the "Gathering Of The Juggalos" in some soon to be very very scary woods in Southern Illinois. I am in Phoenix and I don't think that is nearly far enough away. I would suggest someplace safer like Kabul.

Friday, July 24, 2009

School is for Losers!

Well it looks like education has finally caught up with technology. Let's do our OWN chronological speech exercise.

Did you murder your family? What did you do first? Did you research the best type of chainsaw for the job? Did you then go to the chainsaw parlor and purchase the best chainsaw? Did you take the chainsaw home and hide it the garage? Did you wait till 2am to go out to the garage? Did you cut up your family just enough to kill them or did you go crazy and just really cut them to pieces? Are you enjoying prison you crazy ass red haired librarian lady?

Running out of TIME

You may or may not have noticed that there are fewer and fewer and fewer and less posts on this here blog everyday. It has a lot to do with time and even more to do with not having very much it. This is a call for action to the Fungdarktards out there. If you are a piece of shit and have a really dirty mind I am wanting you. Wanting you to help me trowel the lower depths of the internet. The whole thing is a cesspool but I need help going to the bottom of the cesspool and digging up the flushed abortions of comedy that be stayin down there. If you already have your own blog and would like us to feature some of your best and newest work send it on over. If you are to busy making "child goat porn" to have your own website but would enjoy a forum to share your creativity in a warm nurturing environment then you are welcome as well. Contact me at and lets see what we can do to make the world a worse place.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Sprite is SOOOO Sticky!

When I think of interracial harmony and countries together the first thing that always comes to mind is GERMANY and BLOWJOBS! Is that Brittney Spears and Lt. Daniels from The Wire?

Friday, July 17, 2009

Keyboard Cat has Merch!

I got much love for the keyboard cat and I am really tempted to buy this shirt but I think it will be played out by the time I get it in the mail and find the time to wear it to a MGMT or Kings of Leon concert.

Buy This Shirt on Threadless

Monday, July 13, 2009

Awww Shit!!! I KNEW IT!

Recent studies from a dude named Frederik Joelving from American Studies (what the shit is that?) show that when you are super fucking pissed you should pretend like you have Tourette's and let your potty mouth run ape shit! It will make your brain feel better. I feel like crap all the time and I swear all the time so his suggestion that you don't "over use this method" might also be true...but fuck him...right?

via Lifehacker

Mountain Bagels Looks Great

If you have been wondering why you don't hear very much about Charlotte North Carolina being the Mecca of bagels then this video is only going to make you more confused. It's kettle fucking boiled for god's sake!